What is Car Hell?

"Tim (Fractal Footwork)" (fractalfootwork) 09/24/2013 at 12:35 • Filed to: Junkyard in the Sky, Car Hevean, Car Hell, OppositeLock

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The Biblical representation of Heaven and Hell is so strewn about by different writers, we have next to no real idea of what we are supposed to envy and fear. Car Hell, on the other hand, is far more abstract, and no definition is better than our own.

Many will tell you that inanimate objects have no capability of having a soul, but we all know better. I'm certain that you can recall a car story that involves love, hate, frustration, anger, humility, and faith. Your car has a soul, and no priest can tell you different!

So I will pose the unanswerable question: Where does you car's soul go, after she reaches the junkyard or other form of symbolic burial?

What is this 'Junkyard in the Sea'; What is Car Hell like?

[Hat-tip to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ]

MAXIMUMVRM > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 12:42

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Not for sale in the USA

RotaryLover > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 12:43

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Full of theses...

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 12:46

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Prius Lady, teenage girls texting, old people, and rollin' coal bros driving around smashing into others for eternity. Roads made from spike strips. Two semi trucks endlessly trying to pass each other on the only good two lane road. Oil is never changed, and Speedway E45 81 octane is the only thing available. Your neighbor is a Nissan Versa.

DasWauto > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 12:47

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deekster_caddy > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 12:47

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Car Hell is reserved for those especially bad cars which did not protect their owners safely in a wreck.

Or, you know... devil cars.

OtherBarry > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 12:52

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It exists in Europe and is called Switzerland. Awesome roads and evil car hating residents.

Frank Grimes > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 12:55

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Taste in cars and what makes a aesthetically pleasing one can vary from person to person some might argue that the greek ideals of beauty are truths universal and can be applied to cars to form definitive absolutes about beauty but, I am sure all will agree car hell is a place where a car never starts. There is gas there is spark and the engine cranks and sputters firing weakly but never runs.

Bill Hendry > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/24/2013 at 13:07

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truck nutzzzzzz....

OtherBarry > OtherBarry 09/24/2013 at 13:09

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No wait. Garage full of supercars, but only bumpy gravel roads in the world and you have flaring hemorrhoids.

Z_Stig > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 13:12

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Toyota dealership

#trollololo

RotaryLover > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/24/2013 at 13:20

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Well you could do like in 2f2f, at your own risk of course...

thebigbossyboss > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 13:24

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A really long line for a stop sign in a manual transmission.

Group B-raaaaaaaaaap! > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 09/24/2013 at 13:42

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Congratulations, you just described Southern California!

Group B-raaaaaaaaaap! > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 14:01

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Car Hell is a barren wasteland where cars languish in agony for all of eternity. Car Hell is very obviously: The Arabian Peninsula.

WARNING: CAR GORE AHEAD. THIS E-TYPE IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO TURN BACK!

OKAY, BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

GreenN_Gold > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 14:35

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A Walmart parking lot where the exits are blocked.

Corey CC97, MAZDA DPI IS STILL BAE JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV JOESTACTIV VISIT FLORIDA RACING LIVES FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 15:37

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A world where the only car is a self-driving Prius.

BoulderZ > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 18:50

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We've all seen it. It's that private, overgrown lot owned by a usually mean, creepy, old, crazy man with an assortment of vicious, 3-legged, one-eyed mutts and cats. It's full of what could be great project cars, but he'll never get around to working on them, even if he did know what he was doing. And he won't sell them, either. "That '85 Sentra is rare! Not many came with that smog pump, that's worth at least $10k right there, even with the tree growing through the hatch!" Hell for a car is not only not being driven, not only being neglected, but not even ever being seen or appreciated all while never actually being destroyed but only asymptotically approaching death and oblivion. Denied living and also denied dying, hanging in between in eternal torture. That's a definition of hell straight out of the classics and translated directly to the world of machines.

SpeedSix > Tim (Fractal Footwork) 09/24/2013 at 23:12

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Car Hell: The car collection belonging to Prince Jefri (Brother of the Sultan of Brunei).